Howdy folks!
Welcome to this years State Fair Fried Food Report.
Last year there was no report, because on the first day of the Fair, Kraftwerk was playing in Austin, so we had to use our prescheduled day off to go see them. Because PRIORITIES.
This year, we decided to take the Dart Rail to the Fair. Mostly because I would have had to drive otherwise. And there is a train station just a little over a mile from the Casa De Munchkin. Also, I wouldn't be able to drink as many Tasty Beverages if I were driving. So the train it is!
It's really not that bad. Every stop is in the worst part of town, and I'm fairly sure that several people who rode it were homeless, but the train stopped right by the front gate of the fairgrounds, so whatevs. Also: DRINKING.
The train lets off at the ASS END of the fair, by the Women's Museum and the DAR house or whatever, basically where no one goes. And I was used to parking at the other end of the fair and walking through the Midway to have the State Fair Initiation Corn Dog. So our entire State Fair Kickoff Walk was backwards. Which really annoyed my OCD. And so after the Corn Dog thing, we started at the CORRECT LOCATION and took the CORRECT PATH through the Fairgrounds...
So we get off the train, walk into a giant crowd of people in line for corn dogs, decide that it's really not that bad, and wait for our corn dogs. (They have Veggie corn dogs now!)
...And this is Johnny with his breakfast:
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| Isn't he adorable? |
To compensate for the lack of beverage of choice, we made our way over to the nearest beer garden to start the festivities.
This year, there is a brand new beer garden near the Colosseum (the blue building) and it is AWESOME. Lots of huge, mature Live Oak trees to sit under, tons of seating, and several choices of craft beer flights to enjoy! (We went back later that day, and they had the Christmas lights on. I love outdoor seating areas with Christmas lights!)
Anyway, the place is called TRIO, and I highly recommend it. They even have food!
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| The one on the right is the Alaskan Coffee Ale. It is AMAZING. |
The Franziskaner Oktoberfest dispenser was not working, so I subbed the Real Ale version instead. Not bad. Kinda desserty.
The best beer in the flight was the Alaskan Coffee Brown Ale. It is what would happen if espresso and a stout had a delicious baby. Made of beer. And you could drink it.
Oh food? Sorry, almost forgot.
The first thing we tried was the
Oh food? Sorry, almost forgot.
The first thing we tried was the
Fried Jell-O
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| For the first time in Big Tex Choice Awards history, America’s favorite childhood dessert is given a State Fair of Texas twist! A classic cherry-flavored Jell-O in a panko-crusted breading, flash-fried to perfection, and then dusted with powdered sugar. Prepared with a tasty topping of whipped cream and a cherry garnish, this dish has the perfect amount of crunch to compliment the jiggle. |
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| Uh…NOPE. |
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| NOPE NOPE NOPE. |
I don't know who decides who wins the Best Taste award, but this one was a huge mistake. Maybe I shouldn't trust minimum wage-earning troglodytes to recreate the work of an actual chef/recipe creator, but there was definitely something missing here. Like the Jell-O.
The dough/crust/whatever had the texture and taste of white cornbread. A little gritty, not really sweet, and probably not conducive to deep frying.
The filling did not in any way resemble Jell-O, and was more like what would happen if Kool-Aid were injected into a hush puppy.
You have been warned.
You have been warned.
Next up:
FRITO PIE BITES: REDUX!
It looks like they have changed the look of the Frito Pie bites. This does not make me happy.
For the previous version, see the photo here.
For the new version, it looks like instead of having a Frito dipped into chili, battered, then deep fried, they have created a Frito Flauta. THIS IS NOT RIGHT.
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| PACKETS OF SOUR CREAM AND SALSA???? WHY, GOD, WHY?????? |
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| Frito Flautas. You have been warned. |
I must say that although I prefer the texture and flavor of the previous version, these really weren't too bad. The crust was okay, thick enough so that the chili didn't bleed through, and after the sour cream and salsa were squirted out, the dippability wasn't really all that different. I prefer the REAL version, though.
Next up:
THE FREE FOOD BUILDING!!!!
(aka the Food and Fiber/Taste of Texas building. Something like that. Free food.)
In the general store in said building, they have a refrigerator full of beverages. One of these beverages LOOKS AND TASTES SUSPICIOUSLY LIKE THE BEVERAGE FROM A CERTAIN FACTORY THAT IS NO LONGER ALLOWED TO CREATE A CERTAIN BEVERAGE.
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| Dublin "Black Cherry" cola. Yeah, right. |
If you are thirsty for a certain Texas-based beverage that is flavored with sugar instead of corn syrup, made in Dublin, TX, you should consider getting this. BECAUSE IT'S TOTALLY THE SAME THING.
Which brings us to…
THE BUTTER SCULPTURE.
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| Amidst the blue ribbon winning contest entries displayed throughout the Creative Arts building lies an equally unique creation – the State Fair butter sculpture. The talented Ken Robison will take hold of the 2016 butter sculpture project based on this year’s theme ” Celebrating Texas Agriculture. The sculpture, made from several thousand pounds of butter, is set to portray last year’s award winning Charolais breed steer sold at the auction. |
Uh…why are there penguins???
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| And WHAT IS THAT PENGUIN STARING AT???? |
Yeah. The butter sculptures tend to be weird.
Okay….. Next up is the
STRAWBERRY CHOCOLATE WAFFLE BALL: REDUX.
Just because of the deliciousness.
Chocolate-Covered Strawberry Waffle Balls – Plump fresh strawberries covered in a thick chocolate shell are dipped in a sweet, waffle batter and deep-fried. Dusted with powdered sugar and served on a stick.
Awwww Yeaaahhh….
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| With this much powdered sugar, HOW CAN THIS BE WRONG?? ? |
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| If loving you is wrong, I don't wanna be right... |
Okay… This next item is probably not new this year, but I had to try it anyway.
FRIED BISCUIT AND GRAVY!!!
…Because it uses a GRAVY INJECTOR.
In the future, we will have world peace, and everyone will have a gravy injector (!!!!!) in their house.
Because having a gravy injector (!!!!!) is a sign that Jesus loves you. Texans. Jesus loves you TEXANS.
So, the outside doesn't really look like much, but once you crack this thing open, it's GRAVY CITY, BABY!!!
I'm pretty sure that this item is proof that there is a God. And He/She/It loves us.
It's a biscuit, filled with what tastes like Pioneer instant gravy. The same gravy that is used (I'm fairly sure) on Whataburger chicken fingers. It's actually quite delicious. Especially if you gut the biscuit and just eat the soft doughy parts with the gravy. :)
Okily Dokily…Next up is the
Fried Injectable BBQ Balls.
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Injectable Great Balls of BBQCreated by Glen Kusak
Smoke-crusted BBQ beef brisket is hand shredded with bock BBQ sauce and molded to form balls. The ball of beef is then breaded with seasoned bread crumbs and deep fried to a crispy perfection. Served on top of a bed of coleslaw, each order comes with its own pipette of bock BBQ sauce to be injected into the brisket balls. Guaranteed to be a perfectly succulent bite every time.
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| It's like a Chicken Fanger. But with brisket. A Brisket Fanger. |
These are actually pretty good. Imagine a wad of brisket, dripping with BBQ sauce, encased in the same breading that they used to use for the Chicken Fried Steak in Elementary/Jr High school, then fried to a crisp and served over cole slaw. The cole slaw picked up the flavor. Very delicious. Very nice. Despite having the same panko-esque breading that was used for Elementary/Jr High school chicken fried steak.
Yeah, so we didn't ride any rides (STILL depressed that we didn't ride the Texas Star. THANKS, JOHNNY.), but we did a lot of shopping and a lot of drinking (BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE!!! WOOHOO!!!)
Somewhere in there, I was informed by Johnny that we were standing in a beer line next to Guy Fieri. So we left to get beer somewhere else.
And then I sent this text to my sister:
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| Yeah. |
See you next year!
