Cookymunchkin Cooks!

The 2013 State Fair Fried Food Report

Finally! I finally got a chance to sit down and do my annual State Fair Fried Food blog! Hooray for me!

Unfortunately, this year's selections aren't as exciting as the previous years'. There were really no standouts in the best or worst food categories. Mostly everything was just kind of blah.

But, the BEST thing about this year was that I got to go there with my sweetie-pie, so it was FUN!

On with the show...

"I got burnt up, folks!"

Unfortunately, Big Tex self-immolated last year. This was a national tragedy. He had a funeral. It was sad. So you can probably imagine how much most of us were anxiously waiting to see what Big Tex II would look like. So we waited. And waited. And then we got THIS:

Big Tejano

This is just WRONG. No pectoral muscles. Knee-high puffy boots. Tacky boots. With ROLLED UP JEANS. WTF??? Also, he still has a creepy face, but it's a DIFFERENT creepy face. And there are those who think he has a bit too much of a tan. Also, wonky arms. I'm going to stop here before I start to cry.

(...I'm okay.... I'm okay.... It's just a puppet.....)

(deep breath)

*sniffle*

So to continue with the food...

As good little 2nd- and 3rd- generation Texans, we had to start our Fair Day with a Fletcher's Corn Dog. They take away your citizenship if you don't do this. I wish I were kidding.

Note: ANOTHER scooter lady came up while we were eating our corn dogs, griped about not being able to park at our table, so her daughter told her to get out and walk. Which she did. I hate Wal-Mart so much.

Our first foray into this year's Fried Food Festivities was to try the new Spinach Dip Bites.

Spinach Dip Bites – Creamy and delicious spinach artichoke dip bites are coated with crispy tortilla chips and flash-fried until golden brown. Bites are served with salsa for an additional kick.

These were actually pretty good! they had just enough cheese to be creamy and stretchy, and the salsa gave it a kick of lightness. Nice job, Fried Food people!

The place that had the Spinach Dip Bites also had my favorite Fair food ever, THE STRAWBERRY CHOCOLATE WAFFLE BALL!!!!! So I had to bring Johnny over to the Dark Side, because he had never had them before. And this is a shame.

Best. Fair Food. EVER.

How's that for Food Pr0n?.

Next up was the Deep Fried Nutella.

Awesome Deep Fried Nutella® – Whipped Nutella wrapped around a extra crispy dough and deep fried. Topped with strawberries bananas MORE Nutella chocolate whipped cream and powdered sugar.

Um....Nice try.

This was phyllo dough wrapped around Nutella (I think). Covered with a couple of small blobs of Nutella, NO WHIPPED CREAM, and two slices EACH of strawberries and bananas. (You don't mean it! TWO whole slices???) When you pick it up to bite it, it just shatters everywhere. There's really no filling to speak of, and this was pretty much just a waste of Nutella. I'd be happier with some Nutella smeared on a banana. Or just a spoonful of Nutella. Something. Not this.

Next up was Deep Fried King Ranch Casserole.

Fernie’s Deep Fried King Ranch Casserole –This stick-to-your-ribs TEXAS SHAPED creation is melted cheese, salty, spicy, goodness that is dipped in a zesty southwestern egg wash and coated in panko bread crumbs. Deep fried golden brown and crunchy on the outside; steamy and creamy on the inside! Served with a side of red, white, and blue tortilla chips and your choice of our homemade “salsafied” sour cream or cheesy queso. Each one proudly flying the flag of the Lone Star State and deep fried in the Heart of Texas!

I see Ro-Tel....

This was okay. It made me want to go home and make my own King Ranch Casserole. Which I did last Thursday. And mine was WAY better.

Also, my deep fried King Ranch Casserole didn't come with cheese. Just sour cream.Not "salsified" at all. NO CHEESY QUESO???? What gives, Fernie??? Why you wanna be like that?

Finally, we ended our Fair Adventure with the Deep Fried Cuban Roll. Which was okay. Mainly it was a bunch of undeserved hype.

Deep Fried Cuban Roll – A filling of slow cooked pork shoulder, chopped ham, Swiss cheese, pickles, and secret sauce is spread onto a slice of Swiss cheese, rolled up in pastry dough, and deep fried. Roll is served with a side of mojo sauce for dipping.

Boring with not enough gravy. NEXT!

The Butter Sculpture

This year's Butter Sculpture was still in progress when we saw it, supposedly because the sculptor ran out of butter. I'm not even kidding.

This sculpture is a little more disturbing than previous years'. I like to call this one...

Big Tex Loves the Little Children...A Bit Too Much..

Creepy....

Why is that baby humping Big Tex's leg????

And this brings us to...

CREEPY CRAP ON THE MIDWAY!!!!

Uh...

That's kinda scary...

OH MY GOD IT WANTS MY SOUL!!!!

*deep breath*

I'm going to conclude this year's Fair post on a humorous note. To get the scary clown imagery out of your brain, let's watch Johnny on his favorite ride. You're welcome.

Johnny Rides the Footsie Wootsie!!!

Ahhh...

AHH!!
(What is that kid back there DOING???)

Heehee!

You know it just got good...
(Is that kid being smacked by a fan???)

Johnny is now Jello. With noodley feet.

See you next year!

Greetings, and welcome to the 2011 State Fair Fried Food Report! The 2009 and 2010 reports are still around, but this one is the brand spanking new report for 2011!

The JohnnyCakes and I went to the State Fair last Friday, and we brought in some bottles of Coca Cola products to get in for CHEAP. (There are discounts, people... You just have to look for them...)

As we walked through the entrance, we grabbed our free samples of toothpaste (YES!!!!), and then we saw the booth for THIS:

Fried Bubblegum MOST CREATIVE - You’ll swear it’s bubblegum! A light as a feather bubble gum flavored marshmallow is dipped in batter and lightly fried to perfection. Decorated with a swirl of icing. A final sprinkling of powdered sugar completes this treat! It will blow you away! Granny’s Funnel Cakes on Coliseum Drive.

Ha!

This was just...icky. I should have known from the sprinkles of bubblegum on this thing that it would be inedible. After forcing Johnny to try one, I grabbed another one, tried to bite into it, felt a squish in my mouth that spelled DANGER! OVERFLOW!, and then just decided to shove the whole thing into my mouth. It was like a blob of pink squish coated in a stale marshmallow coating, and it was WAY too sugary for my taste. Notice how there are three of these things on the stick? Well, we ended up giving the extra one to some Japanese tourists. I hope I don't get sued for Tourist Abuse....

To level out our collective blood sugars, we then decided to head over to Fletcher's and get some corny dogs...


YUM!

Unfortunately, the traditional Flat Dr Pepper accompaniment had to be replaced by lemonade. Fountain drinks are rare at the Fair! Boo Hiss!

The next victim of our Fairgoing experience was this:

Fried Autumn Pie - Fairgoers will fall for this hard to resist puff pastry infused with a scrumptious combination of pumpkin, cream cheese, powdered sugar, and fall spices. Deep fried and rolled in ginger, cinnamon, and sugar. Chicken on a Stick stand located on Nimitz Drive, near the entrance to the Embarcadero.

This was amazing!

Looking at this fried ball of whatever, I really didn't expect much, especially after the concession guy told me that his favorite fried thing was the fried Moon Pie (Yuck!), but after cracking this baby open...

I was introduced to a world of gooey, yummy flavors!

Imagine making a pumpkin cake. With pumpkin cake batter. And then imagine that you just decided to chuck the whole cake-making thing, and decided to just fry up some cake batter balls instead. And then maybe lick the spoon. And the bowl.

This was really, really good. It was like a fried pumpkin cake batter/pudding, full of Thanksgivingy flavor, pumpkiny and yummy. I highly recommend this. A lot.

Next we headed over to the Creative Arts buiding for your favorite and mine (and maybe even Paula Deen's), the Butter Sculpture!!!!

I have a feeling she's about to slip. You know...on the butter...

Isn't it amazing what you can do with an insane amount of dairy products? I think I just heard Paula Deen have a foodgasm...

Well okay then...

Next up, we have what should win this year's award for

Most Disgusting Thing At The Fair:

Ready?

You sure???

Okay.... Don't say I didn't warn you...

Le Fried Chicken Skin

Kids, this is something that you should ONLY eat on a dare.

Deep Fried Chicken Skin – Why bother with all of that meat? The skin has been separated from the chicken to deliver the best part of fried chicken in every mouthful. Available in MILD or HOT & SPICY. This tasty treat is lightly seasoned, battered, and then deep fried until crisp.

Ew. Just.....Ew.

This is not a "treat." This is something that could easily be used to torture prisoners of war into giving up national security secrets. This stuff is VILE.

Where to begin... The texture was all wrong. These had a texture that was somewhere between chewy (leathery) chicken skin and really greasy pork rinds. These things were like grease upon grease upon grease, but with a crispy crunchy coating! Bleargh. We tried to improve bland flavor with honey mustard, but it was watery and of no use. Next we tried ketchup. The ketchup made it a little better, but it was still really, really bad. I wonder if the concession girl saw me gag and spit it out into the trashcan.... Stay away, kids!

(Last year's winner: Fried Beer. aka "Hurl in a Pretzel". )

Next victim:

Buffalo Chicken in a Flapjack BEST TASTE - A buffalo chicken strip is coated in flapjack batter, rolled in jalapeno bread crumbs, deep fried to a golden brown, skewed, and served with a side of syrup. Crowd pleasing appetizer or a meal in itself! inside the Automobile Building and in the Thrill Way.

This was surprisingly good!

In all honesty, if you didn't know the flapjack was there, you'd just think it was a panko-crusted chicken tender on a stick! The jalapeno flavor just gave it a little kick, and it wasn't spicy at all. And the syrup made it taste like chicken candy, in a Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles sort of way... Two thumbs up! Very tasty!

Next up: El Bananarito!

I should have known it would be all hype. Especially after seeing the poster:

This is what you see...

...And this is what you get.

El Bananarito - In case you are wondering, it’s a deep fried banana rolled in a flour tortilla, topped with whipped cream, powdered sugar, a dusting of cinnamon, and a touch of vanilla extract. Top it off with your choice of smooth, hot caramel or decadent chocolate syrup. Funnel Cake stand on Fun Way.

Yeah. That.

I imagine we'll be seeing these all over the place in national chain Mexican restaurants soon. *Yawn.*

Oh, and in case you were wondering, here is a list of my favorite State Fair Fried Foods so far:

Spanakopita. In the food court. Yum. (Okay, so it's not really fried. But still, it's AMAZING.)
Deep fried strawberry chocolate waffle balls!!!!
Deep Fried Fritos Pie.

Oh, and one more thing.... Stay away from the fried beer. For the love.... Gross.

Okay, kids! It's time for this year's Bonus Feature! I call it...

Kreepy Krap on the Midway!!!